The Carousels

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I've told her how I felt. Surprisingly, she wasn't angry at all. Well, I've just realised that I should stop being such a passive person. I shouldn't stay at status quo and Should make effort to improve my life. Always crying 'bout things that had happened and yet make no effort to change the situations for the better. How will I be happier?

This is how it went. She told Gor Dad shouldn't just buy the new car without consulting her 'cause the car is mainly USED BY HER. When I got to know about this last week, it affected me a lot. It was a whole long and unhappy story that I shan't elaborate. Well, I thought this was enough. Guess what? Today when we were at the showroom, the salesgirl asked us "so who is the car bought for?", she promptly replied "for me". Thank you so much. My presence is negligible, right?
This might seem so trivial to others, but to me, it's simply Not. The reason for getting a new car and getting rid of corolla was to change a new car for us. Yes, US. ME and you.

Talking to you about this is to make myself feel better. I cannot allow myself keep mum about issues that adversely affect me. Well, you told me words you told the salesgirl you realised it's wrong. Alright.

On a lighter note, YES! I have decided to go on dance classes! Oh wait, have I talked 'bout this last night? Oh I think I did. Haha. And I'm going for a class with Jing this fri! So cool!

Alright, I better go back to my notes. I thought there isn't much to study for Psyc, in the end a lot! And I left too little time to study for it 'cause there's still a stupid and irritating Ethics presentation this thurs. Sucks like hell.

crOwn_clOvera 10/22/2006 10:21:00 PM

I'm still awake. But I'm not awake 'cause I'm watching Goong, it's because of BLOODY project!!! Darnnit. It's freaking 5 am in the morning. Such a fine Sunday morning.

And I've got my sponsorship from Sis to go for dance classes! Haha. Initially, I was quite hesistant due to quite a lot of reasons. I thought 'bout the money issue (this links to another story which is shan't talk about), and the no-commitment part. What if I cannot persist in going for the classes? And the making-a-new-step problem with me. I'm always so delighted with status quo and sometimes it's so awfully disgusting 'cause I don't make any move, any intitiative. Nonetheless, I've made that tiny little step. Love myself. :P

I am using so much brain cells to churn out every word in here now.

I need to share this story before knocking out. I was studying in school today (such a loser to be studying in school, yes I know) and the walls are really thin between study rooms (GSR) and there was this group of indians talking really loudly. So I turned on my winamp and blast my favourite Goong song. Haha guess what? One of them came over around twenty minutes later.

Him: Hey, can you turn down the volume?
Me: OHH (smiling so nicely), are you from that room (pointing to my left)?
Him: Yes.
Me: Oh 'cause you guys are really LOUD and I can't study. You know. (Still smiling).
Him: OHHH (shocked look and paused for 2 secs or so). Yes we will keep our voice down.
Me: yes, i will too.

Then he went back and I heard "SSSSSHHHHH!!" alot of times. HAHA. It was this particular girl who has a incredibly high-pitch tone and still wanting to talk really loud. There you go, I did away with the need to make those steps and walk to their door to tell them to shuttup, and at the same time getting what I want.
Haha.

Okie, my brain cells needs regeneration.

crOwn_clOvera 10/22/2006 05:09:00 AM

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Since when did my family become so un-happy? I miss those times when we had so much fun together, and even if there's any quarrels, we will be just fine in hours' time. Perhaps I should stop reminiscing the past and think what will happen in the future.

Everyone's out now. How funny. A houshold of 6 needs 3 cars. And daddy's gonna source for a new car. I don't know the rationale behind his want to get a new car, what I do know is there's something deeper than wanting to change a new car for sis and me. Yup I would trust so.

Sometimes I wonder is it correct for me to think that badly about her. We were so close. But talking to william about the whole issue looking in plane view, I cannot not trust my instinct. Why she has to do all those? She didn't do it on purpose, right?
If I was a little more open to everyone it would have been better. Communication really bridges bond between people. But it seems as though I've learnt this precious lesson too late. Perhaps it was since I went out to work, I start to grow this defence around myself. And vicious cycle kicks in when my temper goes out of control.

Don't you always wish life could be slightly more simple? Fretting over the slightest issue makes me grow so old, and sad.

What lies in your future? I can't see mine though. After going through fifteen years of schooling I can't even solve this simple problem. Then what is the point of going schooling anyway when you can't even see what lies ahead? Isn't all these years of schooling Suppose to PREP us for the future? If such idea of schooling isn't entirely accurate, then should we stop schooling?
Argh, what about schooling. Com'on, I have barely two years left, stop complaining.
But I am dare sure is I will never miss studying times. At least not those in SMU. Perhaps PJ. But studying was fun that time because everyone's so "naive".

Daddy had an op that day. Restitching to be short. Though the story is much longer. Episodes happened again. I had hope I could change for the better. My notorious temper. Do you think I want to flare up at everyone? Do you think I want to make others sad? Scolding me to stop doing it and preaching 'bout it ain't gonna help.

Why do you have to be such a bitch. Why? We were so close. were.

crOwn_clOvera 10/15/2006 12:54:00 PM

Monday, October 09, 2006

I have this intense desire to write this entry.
*^%$&*(^%$$%#@!$#$%&*&*(^%^&&$##&*@#&
From this day onwards, I promise I will not step into any part of town in specs! This is what happened. I thought going out with gor n jeanee this afternoon was just lunch and going school to hand in my assignment and I would go home. How would I know. How would I know.. that I had to (actually I wanted to) go shopping with them. And while I was in school I was already very paiseh. I wore ugly pink tee with skirt and slippers. and a slingback bag. Yes very ugly. And I had to meet 3 (THREE) persons I know. WHY. It was still OKIE. And so we went shopping at Taka. And we went Forever 21. I was so DEmoralized. I saw Pearline there and I tried to hide so that she wouldn't see me. Of 'course, everyone with weeny brain will know she can see me. And yes this is how it went :

(I saw her walking out from fitting room, I tried to hide away. Before I could, she saw me. WHAt else can I DO?)

Me: OHH Hi!
P: (erm..) Hi... Ohhhh...
(and her silence went on for wholy shit TEN seconds which appeared 10mins for me)
Me: HAHA don't be so shocked! HAHA. (I tried hard to laugh, "haha")
P: Ohh U..u..three years?
Me: No lah, 4. U leh? what sch?
P: Oh 3. In SIM lor. Haha.
Me: oHH okie. C u ard ah!

That was it.
It killed me. If my self-esteem was rated from scale of 0 to 10. At that moment, it must have been -10^100. Seriously. And the Critcal part was my PIMPLE. YEs it's so BIG. It's right under my nose, with pus pushing their way out of my skin. And the deadly part was the 10sec when she held her breath. She must have thought: OH my GODDDD, how did she get so ugly! All kind of thoughts that could kill my self-esteem ran through my mind. I had NO mood to shop at all after that. NONE. And I went to tell Jeanee she told me to just get clothes to try. I went and it did help a bit. But still, the rating is still at least -10. I saw this dress I like. But to buy it is still not me. I would rather go far east or bugis. Until I have THAT disposable income than I will shop till I drop!

And so, I promise, I will not step into town with specs. with ugly clothes. At least if i were in neighborhood areas in ugly clothes I could explain 'cause I was down to get some things only, going back home soon kind of stuff. You know?
Ahhh it's just too traumatizing. Gor thinks I'm crazy. Indeed I am.

On a happier note, I got surprised today! HAHA. And I got the albums I prayed for. Aiya, cannot pray for things anyhow. HEHE. Thanks dear! hehe :P

Ying dear.. I havn't email you yet..Scold me lah! Hai I will do it real soon. Meanwhile you gotta take good care of yourself and update your blogs! hehe *hugs*

crOwn_clOvera 10/09/2006 07:40:00 PM

Monday, October 02, 2006

Knowledge_101

OH MY GOD.
Did you know one cannot be without fats on their stomach?!?!?!?!
Daddy went for stomach surgery a yr and half ago. And till now the tread used to sew his stomach together is still there. So gor brought him to see doc. And yes, because my dear Daddy is too thin such that there is no fats on his stomach to allow the tread to dissolve! So daddy gonna go for surgery next week to get rid of those irritating tread. Weirdly, why didn't the docs pre-empt this?

crOwn_clOvera 10/02/2006 05:10:00 PM

Did I forget to say again?? I want Nick Lachey and Shayne Ward albums!!!!!!!!!!!!!! freaking nice. Really trust me. Awww scchhhweeeet.

crOwn_clOvera 10/02/2006 03:25:00 PM

I don't think i am suppose to blog now. But the excel sheets (shits) are too demanding. Dying. CAT, computer as an analysis tool, the course that's killing me. Well we learn index, forms, match, normdist, data table, validation and all SHIt in this class. Yes it's alien. I have no idea why would psychology major students have to know this. but what the hell. i am already doing it.

And I lost my cashcard that day. I left it in the photocopy machine when I left the room 'cause I only reminded myself to take my IC which i was zapping. Sometimes I really wonder what is going on in my brains. I can't freaking remember events that happened just hours ago, or I have to make great effort to remind myself to do certain things. It's as if the brain lacks space for storing temporary memory. I would attribute this to over-rotting during the period from end of JC to Uni. And every year I have four months of holidays that gave my brain the great opportunity to degenerate even more. So I guess I would be left with only a bird brain by the end of Uni. Haha. Then would I have a head of a bird? HAHA. Then I want to be a penguin instead. Oh wait, is penguin a bird? HAHAAHA

Meeting up with different groups of friends recently made me wonder why didn't I make any effort to meet up more often. I always blame the lack of friends for my introvert-self. But is it really so? Aiyah fine I am too lazy. Plainly.
Nonetheless, I will try harder.

Bangkok situation seems fine now. I guess I am still going. And Sis told me we are STILL going Japan year end. Argh I am against it. Com'on, going Japan in Dec would be wasting money 'cause there is no cherry blossom! Hey I wanna see how fantabulous flowers can blossom. I would rather go to Europe year end, at least I can shop for Zara and Mango and sorts. HAHAHA. But Sis chided me 'cause going Europe for the sake of Mango and Zara is just DUMB. right it is, but going Japan end of year isn't it as dumb? Aiya or Korea would be fine.
HAHAHA as you can see, basically I am just trying to go against Sis. :P

I have so much things due that's piled up till next week. Today I have to study for tmr's CAT test, tmr I have to do CAT's proj stuff due on Wed, and Wed I have to do Physical Science proj stuff that's due fri. and Thurs I have to study for Ethics 'cause Prof gonna give us 3 days to do an individual essay from fri and due on mon. then weekend I have to start Leadership Skills's term paper. It's so late already I have to finish it fast. Then following that I have to study for Psyc mid-term test that is in 2 weeks time. And then at the same time I have to do Psyc proj stuff due when sch starts. And I have to find some time to read Physical Science notes 'cause leaving it all to end of term will kill me. All these to be done in term break next week. Yes such a wonderful break. How I love you so.

And when break ends, I have to prepare for 2 Ethics presentation and my Psyc mid-term. Then there's also Psyc term paper that is freaking difficult to do. And not to forget when school start I have to prepare for class beforehand (ideally). And Negotiation starts when break ends, and from the course outline I've read, it's freaking heavy. Thank GOD!

'nuff said. I shall go back to the kitten. Hard to catch the kitten. Runs too fast. :D

crOwn_clOvera 10/02/2006 02:52:00 PM

Sunday, October 01, 2006

right!
i should blog some. was a hectic weekend for me. gosh n i hav test on tues. shivers.
i wanna put pics this time. dun really wanna type anything lah.

some pics from gor's ROM

this is my "CUTE" bro... HAHAHAHA

the 3 of us...i love them! including myself! HAHAHAHAHA

dun u think jeanee looks like liang jing ru in this pic?? HAHAHAHA

the six of us!

NICE EH! i was the one who took it. hehe

and these are my sec sch friends..gosh been so long since i met up with them. hehe. it was ying ying's bday tat day lor..hehe

and it was kok's bday party on sat..

hahaaha and it's been so long. kok and me had been saying we shld hav a gathering for 03-02s10.. hahahaha

and here are the pics from dbl o that day..

oh that finger is jing one! hHAHAAH

lastly, let's end of with this. well daddy grows some stuff back in the garden.. haha look how humongous it got.

i purposely placed a nutella jar beside it. this nutella is the bigger size one. tat green thing is actually a winter melon. insane la! it weighs ard 22kg HAHAHAHAHA

tat's all!

crOwn_clOvera 10/01/2006 11:39:00 PM